The other evening I (Eileen) was driving to pick up Chuck after work. I
knew I was going to be late and was mentally rehearsing all my good excuses to
have ready when I opened his office door. Approaching the parking lot, I pulled
in, screeched to a halt, then fumbled to open the car door. Clutching my purse,
I hurriedly zipped from the car to Chuck's office. Clearly my feet were not on
the ground yet, let alone my head. I was still in a frenzy of thought when I
pulled open the heavy office door. Guess who had been waiting for an hour? I was ready! My guns were loaded
and both barrels were aimed at my unsuspecting victim.
Picking up his briefcase, Chuck asked, "Where have you been? I thought you were lying out on the highway
somewhere."
My guns accidentally went off. I
did not want them to, but they did anyway, as if having a mind of their own. I
immediately blurted out. "Lying out
on the highway! Such leisure is not
possible on this tight, frantic schedule.
How can you possibly think I would take time to LIE out on the
highway? I've done nothing but rush to
get here."
Somehow I think I missed his point. In my desperate attempt to defend
myself from assault, I charged in like the light brigade, not able to detect
the concern in Chuck's voice.
After firing off a few more choice rounds on the way home, we both
retreated to our sides of the car and played wounded soldiers for the rest of
the evening.
As is often the case, I awoke the next morning with the startling
realization that my dear, sweet husband really was a dear, sweet husband the
evening before. He actually was concerned for my well being, but I was so
intent on defending myself, I could not read the anxiety behind his words.
While in the shower, I was stunned into silence (pretty remarkable for
me) by my lack of sensitivity--a quality I have lobbied Chuck for time and time
again. The two by four in my own eye was feeling pretty heavy right about now.
Later, God took me to my knees and stunned me into silence again by my own
great need to drop the defenses and be quiet before Him. Be still, Eileen, cease striving, let go, relax, and KNOW that I AM
GOD." (Psalm 46:10) Let loose of the
defenses; let go of the pride; release the unbending spirit and lay them all at
the foot of My Cross. You have no need to wear these chains. I wore them for you when I gave My life in
your place. Drop them and be silenced by My love for you, My compassion for
you, My forgiveness for all your sin, now and forever.
Boy, God really knows how to get a girl's attention. Closing my Bible, I
crept sheepishly up the stairs and into the hall where Chuck was selecting a
tie to match his shirt. "Does this
tie match?" he cautiously ventured. "Yeah, it's fine," I peeped,
still looking sheepish. Somehow the
words I longed to say took flight, except this time out of my brain, instead of
out of my mouth as they had done the evening before.
I slowly walked into the kitchen to fix breakfast, all the while God
nudging me to go back to Chuck. Crawling out of my trench, I approached Chuck
who by this time was in the bathroom shaving. As I entered the doorway, he
turned to look at me. From the look in his eyes, I knew he saw my white
flag. I dropped my guns, which by now
looked like tiny plastic water pistols. He listened as I delivered my verbal
peace treaty. The surrender was complete. Both sides were reconciled and the
world looked peacefully rosy again. I had surrendered my right to defend myself
and took on the RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT.
As this account reveals, it is often difficult to admit when we are wrong
or simply bite our tongues and pray for godly wisdom. The Scriptures abound
with the importance of practicing confession before God and before one another.
How very vital confession is in a marriage relationship! Confession indicates
to the other person that we are willing to humble ourselves and admit our
faults (swallowing our enormous pride and choking on it if necessary).
I John 1:9 speaks of confessing our sins before God in order to restore
our fellowship with Him. God's promise is that He is indeed "faithful and
righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all
unrighteousness." Nothing can ever destroy our relationship with God once
we have confessed the Lord Jesus as Savior, but sin can certainly hinder our
fellowship with the Father. Thus, it behooves us to clear the problem up as
soon as we are aware of the offense.
The marriage relationship is a picture of the Christian's relationship
with God. Offenses toward one another in a marriage will not break the marriage
bond, but they will certainly disrupt the blessed fellowship and friendship
that we enjoy as partners and companions in this walk of life.
Furthermore, James 5:16a says, "Therefore, confess your sins to one
another, and pray for one another, so that you may be healed." Healing in
a relationship can take place when at least one partner steps forward to
confess a wrong done. This move on the mate's part can open the door for
forgiveness and restoration. Hopefully, the confessing partner will be met with
open arms and a spirit of reconciliation.
Our prayer for you today, dear reader, is that as you go about your daily
affairs, you will be conscious of moments when you need to humble yourself
before your spouse, simply remain silent, or confess a wrong done and seek
forgiveness. In doing so, you will unlock the door to peace and
contentment.
Thank you for your honesty, Eileen. Even some of us who've been married a while need to remember how easily our actions can hurt the one we love most.
ReplyDeleteSo true, Betty. Managing problems the day they arise (to the best of our ability) is so vital in a marriage.
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