Sunday School teacher. Children's choir
leader. Crisis Pregnancy volunteer. Rescue Mission board member. Prayer group
leader. Ladies' Bible Study on Tuesdays. Bible Study Fellowship. Praise team.
Sound like good things to be involved
in, right? Well, yes and no.
Each of the above activities has
tremendous potential to further God's kingdom, but if pursued at the expense of
one's marriage, they can be deadly. Few of us stop to think how Satan can use
even godly things to deceive us and get us off track at times. I (Chuck) have
counseled believers who have crippled or destroyed their marital relationships
because they were TOO heavily involved at church. Some have even been swept
away in extramarital affairs because somewhere along the way they crossed the
line of just being "brother and sister" in Christ to being
"something more." Needy people with no boundaries, guidelines, or
priorities, caught off-guard.
"But you just don't understand. He
actually listens to me. My husband never does that. How can something that
feels so right be so wrong?" one wife and church member of twenty years
laments.
"I don't know how it happened. We
were just spending so many hours practicing with the praise team. We were just
sort of thrown together. I love the way she laughs, and sings, and loves the
Lord with all her heart. We were meant to be together from the beginning. I
made a mistake when I married my wife," another long time church attendee
offers excuses.
And so it happens...more often than
most of us in the Lord's service would like to admit. We scratch our heads, and
wonder, WHY?
Because Satan is in the business of
tearing the Christian home apart. Nothing delights him more. If he can destroy
the family, he can destroy the church, and if he can destroy the church, he can
destroy the nation. Sadly enough, he is doing a pretty good job of it, too.
It's high time we as God's people woke up and took a good long look at our
lives, marriages, and priorities.
All too often, we are applauded from
the pulpit and patted on the back by fellow believers for all the long hours
and hard work we put in at church. "Why look at so-and-so; isn't she
something? I can't believe all she does for the Lord?" While all the time,
her marriage and family are sitting gathering dust on the shelf. Easy to work
where one receives so much glory. A little harder behind the scenes in a house
full of kids and an indifferent spouse. Where's the glory there?
If you are married, your first calling,
after time spent with your Lord, is to your spouse. Plain and simple. If you
are not investing daily time with your mate, nurturing good communication,
praying together, and fanning the flames of romance, then you are deceiving
yourself by thinking all your church work will accomplish anything other than
man's applause. We add more and more programs to our church agenda, and then
step back and wonder why none of them seem to work. Perhaps one reason is
because our marriages are crumpling by the truckload in our very midst, which
hinders the work of Christ. Our number one ministry (our marriage) is crippled,
because we have recklessly allowed it to falter by filling our time with other well-meaning
pursuits. We are running elsewhere to find the intimacy that lies on our very
doorstep.
God wants to use the marriage
relationship as a picture of Christ's selfless love for His Church, and we have
taken that relationship and disarmed its power and potential to be a dynamic
witness to an unbelieving world! God help us!
We need a change in attitude. We must
begin to view our marriages as ministry! And we must never sacrifice them on
the altar of what may look right and good and urgent on the outside. We must
pray for discernment and wisdom to judge our priorities rightly. As couples, we
must sit down together, pray, read the Scriptures, and develop a weekly plan
for "togetherness." For it is by our love relationships that the
world will be drawn to Jesus. The world needs to see solid marriages, because
that is what people really want.
Isolated couples crave emotional
intimacy. They may want to be close, but don't know how. If marriages within
the church are just as unstable as those outside the church, then how are
people to see the difference Christ can make. Where is Christ's love? Where is
the truth? Where is stability if folks can't see it in OUR lives? What are we
modeling that they would even want?
In our pre-marriage days, we were drawn
together by outreach to other people. We loved doing ministry together. Every
Saturday evening, we would go down to the Jimmy Hale Mission in Birmingham,
Alabama, eat supper with the residents, participate in the evening service, and
then go out street witnessing afterwards. Hey, cheap date! But we loved it! We
got to hone our musical and speaking skills, and meet some very interesting
people into the bargain. Even saw a few of them accept Christ. That's why
today, after almost 38 years of marriage, if we detect a drifting apart, it is
usually because we are not doing enough ministry TOGETHER. That is important to
us. Now, we don't do all our outreach together, but we make a point of doing
most of it together. It keeps us close, because we are centered together on the
most important thing in our lives--serving Jesus. And we can bring to the
ministry our varying gifts and talents to accomplish a similar goal. That's
fun! While we're building our marriage by doing ministry together, we are
building God's kingdom.
Why not sit down together, regroup in
this new year, and decide what your marriage needs. Maybe more daily time
together just to rehearse the events of the day. Perhaps more service to one
another--a backrub, foot rub, an offer to wash the car or the dishes. Maybe you
need to start praying together. Even five minutes a day can make all the
difference. Perhaps an occasional surprise to lift the spirits and bring a
smile--flowers, candy, dinner out. Perhaps some outside help from your pastor
or a professional counselor. Maybe a ministry opportunity you can do together
that has been on your heart for sometime, but you just haven't mentioned it.
Perhaps now is the time.
Whatever you work out, DO IT TOGETHER
and watch your marriage be the ministry God intended it to be!
REMEMBER: The marital relationship is
one of the best situations in which God places us to build our character and
make us more like Jesus. Our love for God will never be greater than our worst
earthly relationship. Have you checked your love barometer lately?
===============================================================================
Eileen Rife, author of Second Chance, speaks to women’s groups
on a variety of topics. She and husband, Chuck, conduct marriage seminars in
the States and overseas. www.eileenrife.com,
www.eileen-rife.blogspot.com,
www.guardyourmarriage.com.
